I lost my mp3 player

Now that is a problem. I do not know where it went, but hopefully it comes back soon. I have noticed that I like to wear it when I run alone, however when racing, I do not listen to music. I prefer rather to listen to the pulse of the race, to chat with my cohorts in pain. If you see my player send it back to me!

I am hoping that I can run again soon. The doc needs to clear me on April 4. (PPPPPPPPPLLLLLEASE!)

Curtai

PS
I am glad that I am an athlete and that drive to always be phyically active is in my being. Not that long ago, I was 215 lbs on a 5-7 in body. That was obese in every sense of the word. I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day. I struggled for breath on a single set of stairs. That was as far removed from fitness as I can ever remember being. I don't want to go back there. This being injured is a glimpse back to that place as the motivation that comes from physical fitness to be physically fit wanes a little, it would still be easy to sit down and eat an entire pizza.

I won't die if I don't work out tomorrow, the danger is that I won't want to work out the next day.

Schedule Decided

My next attempt at the Marathon looks like it will be in October, at the Greater Hartford Marathon in Connecticut.

THere is entirely too much pressure in the world to do anything sooner. Perhaps I will step back to running for the sake of running. I will have to find a motivation other than training for a race to continue. This may be the hardest thing of all. Training because I have an event planned is the single motivating factor when I just don't want to put the shoes on. THis should be interesting. Lets hope we don't wind up with a 2 pack a day habit again, that is what I feel like doing now. Pitching in the towel and quitting altogether.

HOWEVER, I will not quit, I will not die because there is pressure. I can be on the extreme and compulsive side, so left to my own unchecked enthusiasm, I wind up knee deep in whatever I am focused on. To some more balanced people, this is not normal. Ahhhh but those balanced people do not get the depth of experience that comes with singular focus. Neither can they or do they care to understand. My particular struggle is not to make them understand, but is to seek to understand that vantage from which they perceive situations..... There is a prayer that goes like this.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

I will run in October, October 13 to be exact 26.2 miles in under 4 hours.
Goal set, unless something drastic changes, Goal Set. Further, I hereby commit to raising funds for a charity that will benefit from my effort. More on what charity later.

I will not sit on the couch and die today.

L8R.
Curt

The Goal

THe next Baby Step is to make it 3 more weeks. That is when I see the Doctor again. I feel better after having an exact diagnosis that I understood. I am being more careful with my arm not because I want the bone to heal. I am hoping like heck that there is no soft tissue damage. A possibility according to Dr. Silberberg. I think what I learned from the last visit was how to research the condition. I have a non-displaced fracture of the Humerus Greater Tuberosity (Where the roatator Cuff attaches)

In my mind I have it that I MIGHT be able to play Ultimate in our local Tournament. I have been bargaining with the Good Lord to heal me so I can. We shall see!

Also she does not want any bouncing associated with running. I am supposed to find a stationary bike. Now where will I find that, without joining a gym.

Till laters,
Curtai

Doctor thinks I am High Strung

High Strung, Me? Mr. Mellow. Just where does she get off with that one? LOL, well perhaps I am a little high strung on this one issue. What the heck. The Doctor says she believes 3 more weeks in the sling and then I should be ready for physical therapy.

This gives me 7 weeks to be ready for Surf and Turf 3. LOL, fat chance. But maybe. I have not been religious about the sling, perhaps I should use it more. Pick the kid a little less with the bad arm.

The doctor confirmed what she said before, that the "Greater Tuberosity of the humerus fractured but did not dislocate, so the need for surgury is slight" She believes it will heal and that the bone, even if slightly changed in shape will not cause impingement. She believes the soft tissue was not ruptured, that it maintained its bonds. So the bone grows back together, and the tendon gets reattached in the process. I understand more fully NOT USING THE THING, than I did before.

I was joking with her and asked if I should drink more milk, she said, "no, you'll not absorb enough to make a significant difference. I am a bigger fan of green leafy vegatables". What is That about? Go figure. I know I asked about running and she was not jet hot on it, and kind of Ok'd the running slowly with everything in place, no arm swing on the right side. Maybe I can get a three month supply to a gym and do some bike training.

More tomorrow, I just wanted to put down what I heard today, Robia may have heard something altogether different, I will post her comments here if she would be so kind to provide them.

Anyhow, for now, Vaya con Dios.

Curtai

What's Next? I Need Some Help Deciding

Tonight I walk, It is Tuesday, my normal Ultimate Night, but tonight I will walk fast/ not run for an hour. Since the Marathon and the injury, I have had total lack or focus and motivation. That can stop tonight. I have been on an eating binge of sorts as well. Last night I dug to the bottom of the pantry and found a sleeve of shortbread cookies. I gave my son 1 cookie. I am doing OK during the day, but come dinner and beyond, I am not doing so well, that can again stop today. One day at a time, I will march toward the next goal. I have a firm committment to do the Greater Hartford Marathon. I have not signed up for it yet, however, I have to perform an audit of a company in the area and I am scheduling it for October.

I would like to have a marathon in June or July as a stepping stone. There are not that many especially in the South that time of year, so I would have to travel, I need to convince my Wife that this is important enough to spend a weekend (Romantic getaway? the marathon only takes half a day!----Right!)

Here are a list of the city choices in the US:
I have Family (extended in the Duluth area) Grandma's Marathon
Giant Grin!

Anyhow, we'll just have to see. Tonight I walk, and I do NOT overeat.

Curtai

June
2006 6/3/06 God's Country Marathon Coudersport PA
6/3/06 Caring Foundation of Montana Governor's Cup Marathon Marysville MT
6/3/06 Green River Marathon Kent WA
6/3/06 Newport Marathon Newport OR
6/3/06 Ridge Runner Races Cairo WV
6/3/06 Salt Lake City Marathon Salt Lake City UT
6/3/06 Sunburst Marathon South Bend IN
6/4/06 Casper Wyoming Marathon Casper WY
6/4/06 Deadwood-Mickelson Trail Marathon Deadwood SD
6/4/06 Marathon de la Baie Charlo NB
6/4/06 Coca-Cola Zero Rock 'n' Roll Marathon San Diego CA
6/4/06 San Juan Island Marathon Friday Harbor WA
6/4/06 Steamboat Marathon Steamboat Springs CO
6/10/06 Footstock Race Weekend Cochrane AB
6/10/06 Hatfield-McCoy Marathon Williamson WV
6/10/06 City of Rexburg Teton DAM Marathon Rexburg ID
6/11/06 Edge to Edge Marathon Ucluelet BC
6/11/06 Estes Park Marathon Estes Park CO
6/11/06 UCC Coffee Kona Marathon Keauhou-Kona HI
6/11/06 Lake Placid Marathon Lake Placid NY
6/11/06 North Olympic Discovery Marathon Port Angeles WA
6/11/06 Walk With Me Marathon Eugene OR
6/11/06 EUGENE Walk With Me Marathon, Half-Marathon Eugene OR
6/17/06 Mangum Track Club Boogie Marathon Ellerbe NC
6/17/06 Grandma's Marathon Duluth MN
6/17/06 Marathon-to-Marathon Marathon IA
6/17/06 Mayo Midnight Marathon Mayo YT
6/17/06 Mayor's Midnight Sun Marathon Anchorage AK
6/18/06Estes Park Marathon Estes Park CO
6/18/06 Johnny Miles Marathon New Glasgow NS
6/18/06 Manitoba Marathon Winnipeg MB
6/18/06Swan Lake Marathon Viborg SD
6/24/06 Pacific Crest Marathon Sunriver OR

Irritated

I have been looking forward to today for a while and with a simple phone call my entire world gets rearranged around some other person. "She has been delayed in surgury" I am sure that is probably true, or that is exactly what I would say if I were a surgeon who's kids are sick, either way I am rescheduled. (GRRRR) The universe has its reasons, but GRRRR notheless.

Now the age old question, do I change from Stephanie Silberberg to someone else at say Othopedic Associates? Or do I leave it alone and take the rescheduled appointment and behave like a good little boy. It is not like I am going to be better tomorrow either way, but the sooner we get on with this the sooner my mind can have a plan.

I do not need to pout, but that is what I WANT to do, how juvenile is that. Welcome to my brain. Funny thing is I woke up this am at 4:30 just to obsess about how today was going to go. Now all THAT is wasted time too. (Perhaps it was wasted to begin with)

Go to a happy place....

Be well
your wak Job,
Curtai

To the Doctor Today

Q: What does all this have to do with running?
A: Nothing, Everything, Something, I am not sure, but this is my current world!


Well it is finally here. I feel like I am going for sentencing for crimes committed, by Judge Stephanie Siberberg M.D. Well, if an ill advised dive for a simple continuation throw that I had little chance to make a play on because I was irritated at the guy throwing the disc is a crime, then yes I am going for sentencing. My arm has felt a little better each day, in fact today I moved my mouse back to the right side of my keyboard. I don't know if any of you have tried one hand typing and a left handed mouse, but it is not easy. I am in a place of gratitude today, so I am focusing on what is positive in my world. I am going to try to converse with this doctor, have an open mind and listen carefully, I am going to ask for a copy of the chart and all the tests and x-rays in the chart, politely. I have been told that they are in fact mine and that I have the right to have them.

I am going to ask about the Bone, a specific technical explanation of what broke and how it is healing.

I am going to ask about the soft tissues (ligaments, muscels etc.) Is an MRI a reasonable next step to diagnose possible soft tissue damage?

I am going to ask about rehab

I am going to ask about running

I am going to ask prognosis for playing ultimate again, and if so the time line, aggressive and passive timelines. I want a complete and full recovery even if the answer on the time line is NOT to my liking.

Anyhow, my lovely wife is going with me so she will perhaps be able to hear when I can not. I am counting on that from you honey! I will give a full report when I have more information.

I may or may not walk today, I am still fighting my weight at 4 lbs over my target goal and with little exercise, I am not making progress toward reducing. I am not bothered too much by that as long as it does not slip from where I am now.

Be well and Vaya con Dios
Curtai

Actual Sweat

This is a sweat bee, why do they call it that?


Today I Sweated, I am not convinced that sweated is the proper past tense of the word sweat, however I suppose you get my meaning. It was about 75F with a thin layer of clouds out so I went out for my speed walk and I could not help breaking into a slow run, I kept my bad wing tucked up close to me so the shoulder movement was minimal.

I have to say my legs hurt a little after a mile from atrophy. I do not know how fast one falls from being marathon able to not marathon able. If anyone knows, please tell me.

I just have to say that it was sort of motivating. I go to talk to my life coaches tonight, yes I have life coaches, a group of guys that have, been there done that, we meet for Sushi each Thursday. I have missed more than I have made the last month, so it will be great to relate the latest adventures and see if they can tell me where I have done right and where I was "Off the beam".

2 miles 24 minutes < now that is slow, but a run nonetheless, and I Sweated

Vaya con Dios
Curtai

Ok Acceptance is the Key

I do not like it, but the fact is that I am in fact injured and it seems to be somewhat consuming. I think that greiving has 4 or 5 stages and it issems applicable to being injured as well. I remember when I did this, it was jump up and ignore it, it will go away. Denial, tried for the rest of the weekend to get it to go away, it wouldn't. Anger lasted a couple weeks, I got to admit I was pissed off that this happened to me. I mean ME of all people, I never get injured! Sorry to all those around me, if I was not as sweet as a peach. Bargaining was in there for a while, If I just keep still it will pop back in place..., finally, acceptance and where do I go from here?

I have been saying and studying this Stepahnie Silberberg and her credentials, but perhaps there are other choices? Why her, right now it is because she was the next available Orthopedic in the clinic I was in. Go to this person he says, OK says I, where we arrive today.

Service I've been given so far is yup its broke, here's a sling, don't move it much, come back in four weeks. Wife pops in and says he's a spathlete and may literally go insane if not able to exercise, she changes the follow-up to 3 weeks. That is will be this Monday. Hmmmm, then one of the engineers at works pops down and says, " you know if you have to have surgury you should get such and such doctor, he is really good and highly recommended.

So how do you go about this?, Stan, if you happen to read this, how about a comment?

I kind of don't know if there is a consumer reports for Doctors or Orthopedics in general....
Again, I go back to pick a mechanic, it is the same conundrum. I mean I could go to Birmingham for the treatment. Family, Friends etc exist up there, however work is here.
I will keep the appointment on Monday and depending on what is said there, I will consult with my personal health coach.

I am not done, no freaking way, on my two mile, gnelte on the shoulder, hold it in place, brisk walk, It occurred to me that I could do an Ultramarathon, how freaking spicy is that. I think right now, picking another marathon is the key and showing up and running it.

I'll just sit and watch TV

Sweet mother of God. I have not been this badly injured, ever. I do not know what to do with myself, I am going to lose my mind....
I went to the house for lunch and instead of at least walking, I just sat, ate and watched TV. I need to get some input and support on how to handle this.

What is the lesson? How do I relate to someone who is incapacitated for a long haul?

HMMMMM, perhaps patience, tolerance, kindness

Shoot, I know there are people who understand. I need a plan, a schedule, something more than freakin wait till next Monday, then we'll see how you are progressing, What is that.

How about we friggin fix the damn thing.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Run, hell, I just need to get off the damn couch!

C

Emotional Tempest

This blog is about running, exercise if you will in general. Since the broken shoulder the slide into the emotional abyss is slowly happening. Although the shoulder is feeling a little better, my outlook is gloomy. I check in with the Doc next Monday, hopefully there will be something encouraging there, but I doubt it<------ See right there. Sheesh. Being injured SUCKS GIANT CLAM DROPPINGS.

Others have noticed, for example when wearing an Alabama jersey recently, the question came up, Is the A for A#$hole. Perhaps it should be.

More later if the feeling strikes.

Kid #2 is sick, Wife had a procedue and is not well, my attitude is just in the toilet.

Curtai